Pillars of a Relationship

Life has structure, although sometimes the structure may be less obvious than at others times, the structure is still present.  Having had my share of relationships (suggesting none were long term successes) life brings us learning in many ways.  We learn almost as much from finding out what we don’t want as from learning what we do want.  So less successful ventures point out where we could make changes in our thinking to achieve a greater potential of success.

In a spiritual view, successfully loving another will only occur after we learn to love ourselves first.  In this way we’ll be whole within our self ready to accept love from someone else.  This is so important and seemingly not understood I’ll repeat it.  When we have not learned to love our self first what we’re seeking in someone else is what we haven’t found within our own being to be complete.  It will never work out successfully until then; the emptiness in us will always be there until it’s filled from within us.  Only when we are complete will we be fully capable of receiving the love we’d like to have in our life.  The results of this misunderstanding happen so many times everyday in the world usually ending in a divorce.  When finding one who understandings how to be loved will we be the one to earn their devotion?

Having considered the desired qualities and the importance of them in a potential mate/lover it seems that six stand out as being note worthy (to myself anyway) to set the stage for a successful relationship.

In no particular order these are;

Honesty;  Someone with honesty has no fear about being open and truthful as to who they are, how they feel, and what they want in and from they’re lover.  If a person needs to hide they’re thoughts and feelings then something is wrong.  How can any trust be developed in a person without honesty?

Trust;  To trust someone also requires having trust in yourself.  Without trust you have no foundation upon which to build a lasting relationship.  If you have little or no trust in the one you are with, then why are you there?  Life is too short to put time into trying to develop a relationship if you are unsure.  You could just get hurt for the effort.  If you’re thinking you can fix the world one person at a time, good luck with this.  Most people with challenges in they’re personality think it’s OK to be as they are and nothing is wrong with them.  A loss of trust is hard to rebuild if it’s even possible with no assurance it could ever be as it was before.   I’d rather put my time into looking for someone already knowing the value of being trustworthy in hopes that my trust is well placed.  Life doesn’t come with any sort of guaranty.

Respect;  We would be served well by giving respect to our lovers from the start.  As our lover demonstrates being the kind of person you can Trust your heart with at all times give them more respect to show you appreciate them.  The lack of respect hurts as much as not being trusted even if you’ve given no cause to be distrusted.

Loyalty;  Is based on trust and respect that the one you’re with would never do anything which would hurt you in any way for any reason at any time.  If you have total loyalty from your lover this makes it much easier to give total devotion understanding you’ll be rewarded in the fullest measure imaginable by receiving total devotion in return.

Love;  Is something written about at great length and everybody has an opinion, little surprise here’s another one.  Considering love is at its fullest form when it’s a composite of caring, kindness, affection, compassion, along with honesty, trust, respect; and loyalty. No wonder love is so complicated.  If you have all that it takes to love someone you wouldn’t have room in your heart to fight about anything.  If you have love or can find your way to it, this is when two people can bond together into one heart to enjoy love at its fullest.  The peace it brings in your life to have someone to hold you and to be held by is priceless.  They say love is blind, if so then you can be certain love doesn’t have a driver’s license.  If you let love drive your heart, you’ll need to be the one keeping an eye on where you’re going.

Communication;  This one is huge.  Practicing communication with love is a key part of a loving relationship.  It may be last on this list although it is of great importance.  Communicate your feelings, let your lover know you love them, want them in your life and respect them for who they are and what they do.  The words you give can fill your lover’s heart.  If you’ve ever had your heart filled you’ll know how good it feels.  Also communicate anything which troubles you in a kind way getting it out in the open to be discussed as opposed to keeping it hidden to fester until it explode. 

When offering your heart to someone in exchange for they’re heart it’s good to have the presence of these virtues so you’ll be comfortable your heart will be treated better in the hands of your lover than you would treat your own heart.

General guideline about Love;

Love doesn’t argue.

Love gives kindness.

Love doesn’t use harsh words.

Love speaks with gentleness.

Love doesn’t get angry.

Love understands.

Love doesn’t keep score about anything.

Love knows a giving heart is always full.

Love doesn’t act petty.

Love is generous.

Love can accept without saying much because Love is perfect not Lovers.

When you find one to love, will you both know the importance of these virtues?  Finding one such lover opens the door to sharing the devotion of two heart together.  The bond between those two hearts brings such joy to life.

I have learned from my experiences, now I have found my most beloved lady, she is more than I could ever imagine! And I tell her so to fill her heart!

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